


If you're ever in my arms again.

by sharingoxygenwithyou



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:57:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharingoxygenwithyou/pseuds/sharingoxygenwithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things were perfect for Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich.<br/>Or at least, that was what Ian thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How Could You Do This To Me

 

 

Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich's lives were intertwined. Have been intertwined since they met in college. Ian was a sophomore in college, majoring in engineering while Mickey was taking up architecture when they first met. The road that led to their relationship was rough and rugged; it started out as nothing more than a drunken one night stand that ended up with them hanging out and evolving into friends. However, both knew that they wanted more- craved for more. Until one day, Ian had enough and straight up asked Mickey what they were.

He never expected for the tough looking , _FUCK-U-UP_ thug to pull him by the front of his shirt and kiss him.

And that was how it started.

That was how they became inseparable; did everything together — eating, studying and attending parties. Mickey's sister loved Ian, she became his best friend, Ian's family were comfortable with Mickey -- he was good for him. They shared the same circle of friends and eventually ended up working in the same firm.

Things were perfect for Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich.

Or at least, that was what Ian thought.

 

==

 

_"Wake-y wake-y my baby."_

The sound of Ian's voice echoed in Mickey's ears and he reluctantly with a grunt, blindly searched for his phone from the bedside drawer next to his bed. He looked up to his photo of Ian and number on screen.

_Right on time._

"Hmm." Mickey said as a greeting, answering the call.

"You're still not up?" Ian's voice was muffled by him brushing his teeth on the other end. "Fuck, if you don't get up we'll be late for work."

"I'm up," He answered, sleep clearly noticeable in his tone.

"I'm serious, Mick." Ian warned, "You've been late to work too many times. Sooner or later, I'm pretty sure they're gonna fire your ass. Where would that leave me? Us?"

And there it was again.

The way he talked about their lives as if they were conjoined by the hip. Like they were just one person.

"Also, have you finished that design Erik wants?" Ian continued, and Mickey almost lets a groan escape his lips, but he knew better.  "And, don't forget, Mandy invited us to her place to celebrate Nina's birthday. The rest of the gang will be there."

"I know," Mickey yawned.

"Good," He could hear the smile on Ian's lips. "I gotta go. I'll pick you up in thirty minutes. You better be up on your ass and ready for me."

"I'm always ready for you." Mickey quipped.

"That's what I like to hear." Ian laughed, "I love you, babe."

"You too," Mickey whispered. The ache of not knowing why he didn't say the words resonated in his mind. He was just thankful the line went dead before he could come up with any plausible reasons.

 

==

Every single component of their lives revolved around each other and it was almost painful for Mickey.

He struggled so much accepting who he was growing up, and for him to let Ian in his life, was startling -- to say the least. But he loved him. Ian was the perfect match for Mickey. He could handle him and put up with his attitude.  Everything could not be more perfect for them.

==

"So, when's the wedding?" Ethan asked at the party that night from his position across from Mickey, the smile on his face genuine but teasing.

The group sat at around a long table. Mickey sat next to Ian, Mandy at the head, sitting next to her boyfriend, while the rest of their friends surrounded them.

It was Ian who responded with a laugh, "I don't think anytime soon, man."

His hand was gently placed on top of Mickey's and it still surprised him how comfortable he was with it.

"Jesus fuck, Mick." Mandy exclaimed, "If you don't marry him, I will."

That made Mickey smile, "You have a boyfriend, bitch."

"But you two are the perfect couple!" Another one in the group, Alex cried. One could literally see the heart eye emojis in her eyes. "I can just picture it! Architect Mickey designing his dream house while Engineer Ian is the one building it."

"Yeah!" Toni agreed, "Gay marriage is legal now, so what's stopping you?"

 _Uncertainty_ The word popped up in Mickey's mind without missing a beat.

"Fuckers, stop it!" Ian yelled, an easy smile on his face. "This is Nina's party. Why are you talking about my love life?"

"Fuck yeah, this is my night!" Nina howled, her third glass of wine in hand. She flipped her hot pink hair with her free hand before standing up from her seat. "Just imagine, twenty-six years ago, my mother gave birth to a very beautiful, smart, funny -"

"Modest too," Mickey mumbled, but it was loud enough for everyone to hear. "I swear to God, you ain't got one modest bone in your body."

"Shut up, asshole." Nina retorted, with no venom in her words. "Don't forget, this is my night and I'm spending it with my friends."

"And let's drink to that!" Mandy cried, raising her glass and everyone did the same.

==

"I've got dinner with Lip later but I'll see you back at my place?" Ian asked as they stepped out of the elevator.

Even their steps were in sync.

"Sure," Mickey nodded, not really paying attention to Ian's words.

As they stepped into the firm, they were greeted with Erik, their head of department, standing next to Mickey's desk with a scowl on his face.

"Milkovich, where are the designs I asked for?" He asked with a glower. Mickey always thought that the scowl was a permanent fixture on the man's face. Someone needed to get fuck. "I said I wanted them on my table by the time I got here and -"

He was cut off by Ian handing him a drawing tube, "I've got it here."

 Erik looked over the design before looking back at Mickey, "These are good. I'll need you to make a plate for a new project. I'll give you the details later."

And with that, Erik fucked off. Mickey wanted to punch the guy and flipped him off, but he was his boss.  He needed to play nice if he wanted to keep his job. And he did, didn't he?

"Those weren't the designs I made," Mickey turned to Ian.

"What do you mean? Of course, they are." Ian claimed, as he removed his sling bag and sit on his desk, right next to Mickey. "It was the one on your bed. You told me to get it for you this morning, remember?"

Ian began to look through the papers on his desk as he continued to listen to his boyfriend.

"Yeah, but I told you the one with the white tracing paper, not yellow." Mickey urged, the look of rising anger on his face. "That wasn't the one I wanted to show."

 He looked up with a smile, a smile that once upon a time, made Mickey's heart skip a beat. "Yeah, when I looked at it, it wasn't what they originally asked for. You changed a lot of things, Mick. I didn't think Erik would appreciate it."

"But Ian," Mickey started, still standing in his place, looking down at him, "I revised that shit all night for three days. I wanted to show them that design because I know it'll -"

"Mickey, I'm sorry." Ian stood and ran his hand down Mickey's face. "I did it because I didn't want you to get in trouble."

"Get a room, you two." One of their co-workers joked.

Ian laughed and continued to stare at his boyfriend. "I'm sorry, alright? Forgive me?"

Mickey nodded and Ian leaned in to pecked him on the lips.

Everything was okay.

==

Everything was not okay.

Mickey hated working at the firm. He felt restrained; he wanted to carve out his own mark in the hierarchy of the firm but he was muted. He was shackled to what the clients wanted and he hated it. He wanted to explore more opportunities. Opportunities he couldn't have working for a big corporate firm. But it was what Ian wanted.

Ian wanted stable. He wanted a routine he could live by. And it was understandable.

Ever since his diagnosis with bipolar disorder when he was seventeen, Ian wanted everything in his life stable because it gave him a sense of hope that one day, his mind would be stable without the help of the meds.

And Mickey understood it. Mickey went along with everything Ian wanted because he wanted Ian.

But after five years, it was evident Mickey wasn't willing to sacrifice his dream to branch out is work anymore.

But he still loved Ian. He did, didn't he?    

==

"I'm thinking of resigning." The reaction on Ian's face was exactly what Mickey expected.

They were in the middle of dinner at Ian's apartment when the words finally left Mickey's mouth.

"W-what?" Ian asked, letting go of the fork in his hand as he looked at Mickey - watching him.

" I want to work for smaller firm, where I can be given better opportunities to design independently."

The thought had  been brewing inside him for the past year ,and it wasn't until then that he had the guts to finally voice out what he wanted. He had been formulating and thinking about the perfect words to use, but it only ended up with him sounding pretentious as fuck. 

"What the fuck, Mick?!" Another reaction Mickey had expected. He had seen the look in Ian's eyes a hundred times; the mixture of confusion and alarm with a tinge of pain. "But Mickey, that's not part of our plan! We agreed on working at the same firm so we could be together. We agreed to save up enough money to buy a house together. Like, Mick, we've been planning this shit since college."

 _You've been planning._ The words didn't leave Mickey's lips.

Ian had planned to live with Mickey but things just weren't right. Especially with their income, Ian still wanted and needed to help around with his family and Mickey still gave some of his salary to Mandy, regardless if her boyfriend did a pretty damn well job for providing for her. He treated her the way she deserved.

"And get married..." Now that wasn't something Mickey expected.

"What?" He asked, confused.

"Well, I know we never talked about it..." Ian trailed off, the surprise in his voice gone. "It's just that, everyone said -- and I thought you want-- and I want --"

"Gallagher, your rambling." Mickey interrupted. "Stop it."

"Sorry." Ian whispered, looking down at his plate. "I just thought..."

Mickey's heart ached at the sight of a vulnerable looking Ian Gallagher.

"Hey, man. It's not like that." Mickey reached out from across the table and intertwined their fingers. "I want to, but not now. I want to, it's just, I want more freedom with my work."

Ian's face softened, "I know. I just don't want all your efforts with college and all the other shit to go to waste."

The only thing Mickey could do was nod and smile, because he knew it was what Ian needed to see.

==

 "What the fuck are you doing here?" Mickey heard Mandy's voice as he stepped into _The Galaktika_ , the restaurant her boyfriend owned. He was greeted with Mandy rushing over to him and giving him a hug, he hugged her back and smiled. "Don't you have work? And where's Ian?"

_Ian._

No matter where he went, people always asked where Ian was or why he wasn't with him. It was  [irksome](https://www.google.com.ph/search?es_sm=93&biw=1360&bih=667&q=define+irksome&sa=X&ei=iqZrVf2SNcPGogTerIC4DA&ved=0CCcQ_SowAA).

"He's at lunch with a potential client." Mick answered, because even if it annoyed him that his smart phone's calendar was synced with Ian's, making him aware where Ian was, it still gave him a sense of calmness. If ever Ian needed him, he would know where he was.

"New project?" Mandy asked, as she guided him into a booth, waving at her boyfriend. "New money, right? That's good. The sooner you two can get hitched!"

She was joking, Mickey knew, but that didn't help with his problem.

"Jesus fuck, why do people keep saying that!"

Mandy was taken aback by her brother's outburst, "Jesus, Mick. The fucks up with you?"

"Nothing," Mickey sighed, his shoulders slumming as he looked down at the white tablecloth. "Just, shit happening."

"Shit that has something to do with Ian?" She guessed.

"What's wrong, Mick?"

And that was how Mandy Milkovich found out that her brother, who had been dating this amazing and wonderful guy for five years, was feeling suffocated by him because of the constant attention and he felt he had never been given the chance to decide and plan for himself because he always did everything. He told her about the incident with the blueprint, then when they had dinner and all the other times Mickey felt a ring around his neck.

"Do you still love him?"

It was the question that Mickey replayed in his mind over and over for a year now.

The love that once was too painful to even admit was like a forest fire. Burning with passion and desire, leaving destruction in its wake. But like every flame, it burnt out.

Both of them were nothing but scared and lonely little boys hiding behind facades of men for the world to witness, however, with each other, each layer of their resolve melted away when they noticed the spark that grew between them.

"I don't know," He answered, looking anywhere but her. "Maybe."

"Fuck, Mickey." She breathed.

==

Mickey wasn't pleased watching one of their clients flirt with Ian. Her hand on his arm as she smiled far too wide for it to be real. He saw Erik next to them but he wasn't the one Mickey's eyes were glued to.

He felt the sour taste of jealousy rise in his mouth, but the thing was, Mickey didn't even know if he was jealous because he still loved Ian or was it just another reaction he learned to adapt from his earlier years with him. A thing he learned and conditioned himself to feel during his time with Ian in college when guys and girls would throw themselves at him.

But when Ian turned and saw him, a smile appearing on his face, the thought was instantly pushed away.  And a moment later, Ian was waking up to him.

"Hey, babe." Ian greeted, the glint in his light green eyes present. "Erik said he wanted me to take the lead on the Bailey project."

Mickey couldn't help but smile, "That's great." Ian leaned in and was going for a kiss on the lips but Mickey turned ever so slightly that Ian ended up kissing his cheek. "Not here," He said after seeing the confused look on his face. "We've been yelled at to get a room too many times."

Ian laughed and it made Mickey's insides clench.

"Oh, before I forget,  Toni called." Ian said. Toni was one of Ian's buddies from college and even after graduation, he stayed by their side. "He's invited us for dinner on Friday at Mandy's restaurant."

"Mandy's restaurant?" Mickey raised an eyebrow. "That place belongs to Mark, not her."

Ian laughed again and this time, the sound made Mickey relax. "Either way, they still want us to be there."

"Okay," Mickey nodded before looking back at the envelope in his hand. "I need to finish reading this report. I'll see you later."

"Of course,"

==

Mickey was stressed.

Was beyond stressed at this point.

On Tuesday morning, his boss had made him design a blue print for a condo unit their new client was planning to build. And it was due on Friday.

Between the days of Tuesday and Friday morning, Mickey had chained himself to his desk at the office and at home. Doing nothing but revising the documents that was given to him, things the client wanted and how much liberation he had in his design.

The thing with working for a huge corporate company like ATP Holdings was that even if he was the one who made the design, it was always the company's name in the papers.  Never his.

And at first, it was fine, Mickey didn't need the credit.

However, it dawned on him that if he continued to work for ATP, he would never have something in his life he could brag about to people. He couldn't go and say, 'I designed that' because it was ATP's work.

"Hey babe," Ian called as he entered Mickey's apartment, using his own key. "You ready for work?"

Mickey grunted as response, not even looking up from his work.

Ian watched for a moment before looking at his wrist watch, "Mick, we need to go. We'll be late."

"Almost finish," Mickey replied and a second later, he was done. He looked up at Ian and was surprised by the way Ian watched him. "What?"

The smirk on Ian's lips was tantalizing.

He walked over to Mickey and wrapped his arms around him, "I love watching you work." He breathed in his ear. "So fucking sexy."

Mickey's breath hitched as Ian began kissing his neck, he tensed when he touched his sides. Then he put his lips on the right side of his neck, kissed it, leaving a little moisture on his neck.

"We'll be late, man."

"Don't care."

Mickey chuckled but something inside him wanted to push Ian away, something inside him kept yelling at him that this was wrong.

"Fuck," He breathed when Ian bit on a particularly sensitive part of his neck. "Ian, we'll be late for work."

Ian halted his actions with a grunt and a pout.

"Fine but," He kissed Mickey on the lips with more heat than Mickey wanted.  "to be continued."

"Of course," Mickey smirked.

==

That night, Mickey sat next to Ian, who was having an animated conversation next to Toni and Mark, while Mandy watched him. He could feel her eyes on him -- waiting.

 _'What?_ ' He mouthed and she just moved her gaze to Ian and his bright smile before shaking her head.

"You fucking started without us?" He heard Ethan say as he walked into the empty restaurant with Alex.

"Not our fault you guys are late." Mark teased.

Ethan took his place at the table next to Mickey, while Alex sat next to Mandy and Nina.

"So, what's up?" Alex asked, taking the bowl of salad Mark had made and piling it on her plate. "Anything we missed?"

"Nothing much," Toni answered with a grin, "Ian here just sealed a deal to be the main engineer for this fancy-schmancy hotel or shit."

If anyone outside of the group saw the way Toni looked, one would think that he was Ian's boyfriend and not Mickey because of the glint of pride in his eyes. He was Ian's best friend, besides Mickey and Mandy.

"Congratulations, man!" Ethan beamed. "So, you gonna treat us to a drink or nah?"

"No fucking way, dude." Ian laughed as he slung his arm around Mickey's shoulder and leaned on his chair. "In your dreams."

"So, how did you celebrate?" Alex questioned, looking between Ian and Mickey.

"Probably in bed with Mickey for three hours." Nina guessed.

"Shut up, bitch." Mickey retorted with not much animosity. "Not my fault you ain't getting any."

He heard Ian's laugh again and he remembered the time when the sound was music to his ears.

"Ah.. No, not yet anyway." Ian winked and turned to Mickey, giving him a soft kiss. "Right, babe?"

The blush on Mickey's face was obvious and the rest gave him shit for it. Except for Mandy.

She stayed silent as she watched him. He could see the look in her eyes, the judgment that made him angry. How dare she judge him? But then again, how could she not? He was terrible.

==

"What are you gonna do, Mick? You can't lie to him forever!"

"I'm not lying to him!"

The look Mandy gave him was enough for him to look down at his feet with shame and regret everything.

"He needs you, Mick. He fucking loves you." Mandy whispered. They stood in the back of the restaurant, putting the dishes away, as the rest of them were still by the table. "What do you think will happen if you end it with him? You think he'll go manic? Fuck, Mick. He hasn't been manic in months. His doctor said to try and make things easy for him."

"I fucking know that, just. Shit!" He could feel the taste of remorse in his throat. "I don't think I can do it anymore."

"Do what?"

They looked up to his Mark -- Mandy's boyfriend.

"Nothing." They said at the same time.

Mark seemed skeptical but smiled, "You two are so weird."

Mandy walked over and put her arms around his neck, "You love it."

"I love you." He smiled and kissed her.

"I'm right fucking here! Son of a bitch." Mickey snorted at the laugh that left their lips.

"Hey! We walked in you and Ian going at it a thousand times!" Mark commented.

The siblings turned to each other and for a second was just quite.

Mickey needed to get shit fixed. Fast.

==

It was two weeks later that Mickey couldn't handle it anymore.

It was after their regular Saturday dinner with their friends when Mickey snapped.

On their way to Ian's apartment, he was talking about the developments of his new project, while Mickey listened to his boyfriend.

He couldn't control the helplessness he felt at the moment. This was his life.

A half-assed architect at a big assed firm with his boyfriend of five --almost six in a few weeks-- years, having dinner with his friends every Friday or Saturday, having an apartment that he didn't stay in three times a week because he and Ian had a schedule.

Everything was so fucking mundane.

"Hey, you okay?" Ian asked, his eyes moving from the road to Mickey. "You feeling sick? I told you not to work overtime last Thursday. It rained really heavy and you just had to go out and get soaked. Fuck Mick. You can't keep doing that anymore --"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

The outburst was enough for Ian to stop in the middle of the road. It was a good thing it was getting late and there were only a few cars on the road.

"What the fuck, Mick?" Ian asked, turning fully to face his boyfriend. "The fuck's up with you?"

Mickey stayed silent as the tension in the air grew. A few car horns blared from behind them but they didn't care.

"You okay?"

"Why do you care?"

"Why do I care?" Ian asked, his voice rising. "I'm your boyfriend, Mick. Of course I fucking care."

"Take me home, Ian." Mickey said.

"W-what? But Mickey, it's Saturday. You always stay at my place on Saturday. It's our schedule." And that was what made Mickey open the door of the car and get up. He walked away, ignoring Ian's cries for him to stop.  "What the hell, Mickey?!"

And it was the sound of confusion and desperation in his voice that made Mickey stop and turn to face him. The emotions that played on his face were what made Mickey do it. He finally said the words he wanted to say now for months -- a year even.

"I can't do this anymore. "He confessed, feeling how the air in Ian's lungs disappeared.

"Do what?"

"Fuck, I don't even know if what I'm doing is right or not, but I do know I don't want to do this anymore." He sighed, frustration building inside of him.

"Mickey, if this is about your job," Ian breathed, talking quick. Not wanting to hear what he dreaded would leave Mickey's lips of he allowed him to. "You know it's the only way we can achieve our dreams. What about our plans to build a house and live together? The engineer with his architect by his side. What about our wedding?!"

Mickey's face crumpled, "But Ian, what if? What if I don't want to be an architect anymore but I just did it because I met you? What if we're not being the happiest we can be because we're already tied together? Ian, we need to be our own person."

Ian was silent, letting the words process in his mind before he started walking back to his car and for a moment, Mickey thought he would leave him but then he turned around, facing him with tears in his eyes.

"Do you really believe that?"

Mickey didn't look at him as he answered. “I don’t know. But I know something’s wrong if I’m asking these questions. It's like, there's no Mickey without Ian. I want to live my own life. I want a life of my own. I'm sick of people acting like I don't matter unless I'm with you.”

"I thought you loved me." Ian's voice sounded broken.

"I did," It wasn't after a beat that Mickey realized what he said. "Ian, I want to have a life, a job, where I know where I stand. I'm sick of doing what other people want -- even you and I can't do that if you've planned everything out. I want to do things on my own." 

Ian's face was solid, but Mickey could see the way his eyes were deprived of every joyful emotions. His eyes were filled with grief and sorrow and misery and rejection and everything in between.

"This is you breaking up with me?"

That was what Mickey wanted for a year now but now, Ian saying it, it made his heart clench in pain. But he knew -- this was what they needed.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Too fucking late." Ian snapped, the harshness in his voice made Mickey flinch. He still felt as if the world around him was shattering.

"I'm sorry." It were the only words he could gather in his mind to say.


	2. Something More

_The goofy smil that was sprawled on Ian's face when he lied down in his dormitory after his and Mickey's fourth date was adorable. He was the luckiest guy in the world to be dating someone like Mickey. Sometimes he would even pinch himself  ever so often to make sure he wasn’t dreaming because he got to call Mickey his boyfriend._

==

_"You're an idiot." Mickey ran his hand through Ian's hair as Ian laid his head on Mickey's lap before looking up to his boyfriend._

_"You love me," He said as if it was obvious, and yeah. It was. It was a month into their relationship when Ian finally said the words to Mickey after finding out that he had passed his exams._

_"I'm in love with an idiot." Mickey said, his thumb playing with a loss strand of Ian's hair on his forehead._

_"An idiot who got a 93 on his Basic Thermodynamics because he has an incredibly smart boyfriend for a tutor."_

_Ian's smile was blinding and Mickey wouldn't have it any other way._

_"And again, how many times to the I have to stress out the_ Basic _in that sentence?"_

_Ian reached for his hand and bit it gently. "Shut up and be happy with me."_

_"I'll always be happy with you."_

_Ian smiled before sitting straight and kissing Mickey on the lips._

_"I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

 

==

 

The moment Mandy opened her apartment door to see her older brother with a shattered expression on a Sunday morning, she knew what happened. He broke up with him.

“What did he say?” She asked once they were inside, both of them on the couch. Mandy handed him a cold bottle of beer.

“He was upset,” It was an understatement but he couldn’t say the words yet.  “Fuck, Mandy. He was really...”

“I know, Mick.” She said, she didn’t want him to finish his sentence because even without saying it, she knew that he was just as broken as Ian.

“Do you think what I did was wrong?” Mickey asked after a moment, cradling the beer in his hand. “Do you think I’m a terrible person?”

“Kinda,” Mandy answered and when Mickey turned to glare at her, she knew this wasn’t the time to joke around. “Come on, Mick. You just did what you needed to do.”

==

Mickey’s phone vibrated from his pocket for the hundredth time. He didn’t need to look to know who it was from. Ian hadn’t stopped calling him since Saturday night and now, it was Monday morning. How was he going to face him?

==

“I’m sorry to see you leave, Mr. Milkovich.” Erik said but the way he said it told Mickey otherwise. “It’s been a good three years.”

And when he got up to shake Mickey’s hand, Mickey mirrored his movement, the fake smile hurting his cheeks. When he turned to look outside the glass door of Erik’s office, he could see Ian watching him from his desk. Puppy dog eyes on full intensity.

Mickey walked out of Erik’s office and to his desk, starting to pack his belongings – ignoring the look of pure brokenness.

“Mick,” He said, pleading. “Look at me please. Talk to me, god damnit.”

Mickey just continued packing his belongs before walking out of the office and to the elevators.

“Mickey, please. Do you really want to get away from me that bad?” Ian asked following Mick’s every step.

“No everything is about you, Ian.” Mickey didn’t turn back.

“Then why are you doing this?”

“Because this is what I want.”

Mickey pushed the elevator button and while he stood there, Ian continued with his begging.

“But what about us?”

When the doors opened, Mick quickly got in and pressed the button to the basement parking lot.

“No such thing.” He bit back the quiver in his lips.

“Mickey, five years.” Ian almost yelled as he stood in front of his ex-boyfriend in an empty elevator. “Five years and you’re ready to throw all of that away? Not even bothering to give me a second chance.”

“Already gave you five years of my life.” Mickey answered, still not looking at Ian, his voice levelled.

 “And that’s it? Just like that?”

Mickey finally looked at him as the doors opened, “I’m sorry.”

Ian followed Mickey to his car as he placed his stuff in the trunk.

“But Mick, I need you! Why are you doing this?” His voiced cracked, “Is it because I’m too clingy? Controlling? Just say it Mick and I’ll change.”

“Ian, please.” Mickey closed the back with a loud smash of metal meeting metal. “I need this. You need this.”

Ian looked at him and Mickey could see the tears in his eyes, and everything inside him told him to go and wrap his arms around Ian and kiss him until he didn’t want to cry anymore but he knew that this was what he needed. He needed to belong to himself again. He opened the door of his car and started the engine, ignoring the banging that Ian was causing.

Mickey drove off, finally leaving Ian alone to finally let himself cry.

==

"Ian and Mick? Over?" Nina asked, looking at Mandy before turning to the others. "I don't think so. It won't last."

"Yeah!" Ethan cried. "They've fought and gotten back together a hundred times. It's not gonna last."

Mandy shook her head, "I don't know, man. It seemed pretty over."

The group was silent for a moment, imagining how Ian and Mickey -- who had been together since forever, were finally over.

"But they've done this before." Alex pointed out. "Remember that time Mickey saw Ian with some guy at a hotel?"

Of course everyone remembered that. It was one of those moments that the group were truly frightened that they were never going to make up.

The screaming and throwing of objects inside the restaurant was what made it memorable, especially when Ian said that Mickey had nothing to be mad because he was the one walked out on Ian during an argument because of work.

It was a messy circle. They would fight and argue, screaming at each other that they were over but a few hours later, they would be clinging to each other for dear life. It was a sick and twisted game that both loved to play, while the others watched and tried their best to fix the situation with warm hugs and encouraging words.

But, they loved each other. And that was what made them return to each other's arms, but now -- it was different because maybe Mickey really had enough of it. Maybe he and Ian were finally done.

And the thought made the group's inside turn a little, because Mickey and Ian were the only ones that had the most stable relationships in the group.

==

 _"I don't know how to be anything but yours."_ Mickey listened to the voice mail Ian had sent him. _"I love you, Mick. Please fucking talk to me."_

Mandy watched her brother sit on his bed, his phone in his hand as he replayed the message over and over again. It was a depressing sight.

**Mandy: You okay?**

After a few seconds she got a reply.

**Ian: No.**

That was all Mandy needed.

"You need to talk to him, Mick."

"I can't. I just can't." Mickey shook his head, looking down at the sheets of his bed. It was painful, but he needed the space to grow on his own.

==

It was a week later when Ian opened his apartment door to see Toni and Mark with a case of beer in their hands.

He was having a hard time adjusting, not knowing how to pick himself up after the love of his life left him. Ian was struggling to live his life alone.

"What happened to you, man?" Toni asked as they enter the apartment, the place was messy. A far contrast from the tidy and organized way of living Ian had.

"What do you guys want?" Ian asked, once again sitting on his sofa, picking up the smoke he had been smoking before they arrived.

"I thought you quit?" Mark asked, watching his friend. His hair was messy, he looked like he hadn't shaved since the break up.

Ian stayed silent as he continued working up his cigarette.

"You've been taking your meds?" Toni asked.

No response.

Mark and Toni looked at each other slightly alarmed. If Ian stopped taking his medications, they didn't know what to do. They've never experienced a manic Ian without Mickey before. He was always there to take care of his boyfriend.

==

"He looked so messed up, Mands." Mark told his girlfriend as they worked around the restaurant later that night.

"Mickey doesn't look too good either." Mandy commented. She was worried for Ian, but Mickey felt so guilty that it broke her heart seeing her serious, violent, aggressive older brother look so broken. "They  need this."

It was the only truth she could see in the situation.

==

It was two weeks later when Mickey met Francis.

He had been drawing more and spending time in the local library looking up design and architecture books.  He was finally letting his creativity flow, but he still didn't have a job and he needed to find one fast.

Mickey was driving home from an interview when he spotted a house near the end of the road. He stopped his car and hopped off, admiring the design of the house. It was a contemporary looking house with sharp edges -- a flat roof, simple lines and a the materials used were too tough.

Mickey couldn't help himself, he grabbed his phone from his pocket and started to take pictures of the house. His mind suddenly started to redesign the house -- things that could make the house better. Things to add, things to remove, etc.

"Excuse me?" A voice said, and Mickey almost dropped his phone in surprise.

"Jesus, fuck!" Mickey exclaimed, turning to see a tall man, with dark hair and black eyes. He was fit, and easy on the eyes -- if Mickey were to be honest. But the half-smirked that was laced with charm was what made Mickey dislike the guy.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He amended.

Mickey rolled his eyes, "Didn't scare me. Just... caught me off guard."

"Ah. I see," The smile on his face seemed genuine enough. "What are you doing here?"

"None of your business," Mickey grumbled before turning back to the house.

The guy let out a laugh and turned to face the house too, "So, what do you think?"

"The guy who lives here ain't got no family." Mickey stated.

"Why'd you think that?"

"The house itself has too many edges and corners. It's not a very kid friendly house." Mickey explained, remembering the things he read in the dozen of books in the library and the things he knew from college. "If I were the architect, I would suggest lessen the edges and add more curves. Too balance shit out."

The guy laughed again and Mickey turned sharply at him with a glare. Was he making fun of him?

"I guess that's why my girlfriend left me." The guy said after seeing Mickey's glare. "Told me that if I didn't want to marry her, she'd leave and she did."

It took a moment for Mickey to process his words. "This is your house?" The guy only nodded and Mickey took a step backward.

"Sorry." He mumbled before walking back to his car. He just insulted a stranger's house design. Great. "Nice house."

"Hey hold up!" The guy followed Mickey. "You're an architect too?"

Mickey nodded, "Used to be."

"Francis," He extended a hand and Mickey just looked at it for a moment before reaching up to shake it. "Francis Smith."

"Mickey Milkovich." He introduced himself before getting inside his car and shutting the door. He was ready to get the fuck out of there when he heard a knock on his window. The guy -- Francis was looking at him with a grin. He rolled down his window with a raised eyebrow.

"I'd actually like to hear your creative input." He said, reaching in his pocket. "Here's my card. There's an opening at our firm."

Mickey took the card with wide eyes, he read the card and he haven't heard of the company listed on it, he turned to look back at Francis, who was still smiling.

==

Two days later, Mickey sat in front of a middle aged woman in the office of the firm Francis had told him. 

"We only have a few people here," She explained, her face bright and friendly. "So, you may have to work longer hours, is that okay with you?"

"Sure, Ma'm." Mickey nodded. After hours of thinking and debating if he wanted the job, he called Francis and now, here he was.

"Bright side is, you'll have more hands on experience and I promise you our own design project soon."

The words were music to Mickey's ears. It was what he wanted. What he needed.

"Welcome to the company." She stood up and Mickey did too, shaking her hand with a smile. He turned and saw Francis was smiling next to him. "I'll have Francis show you around the office. Your own personal welcoming committee."

The joke was lame but Mickey laughed, he felt ecstatic.

The office was smaller compared to his previous job, three employees had their desk in a shared a cubicle, but Mickey didn't care. He was just happy to be working again and this time, where he could   begin to feel the freedom he’s been longing for.

==

“So, you want to tell me about her?” Mickey looked up at Francis, as he settled the two cups of coffee on front of him during their break.

“Her?” He arched an eyebrow.

“Or him, I don’t judge.” He shrugged. “I myself prefer a lady’s companionship,”

Mickey laughed, “Who the fuck talks like that?”

“A person who’s trying to make their friend laugh,” The smile on Francis was enough for Mickey to do so.

“His name is Ian.” Mickey answered after a pause.

“He break your heart?”

“Other way around.” He answered, shaking his head.

“Tell me about him.” Francis urged after taking a sip from his coffee.

“And why should I?” Mickey asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Because I asked?” Francis offered but Mickey just shook his head again. “Because I’m your friend who bought you coffee and also the one who got you your new job?”

And with that, Mickey spilled everything.

How they met in college and they were basically inseparable, until one day Mickey just had enough of the feeling of being suffocated in the relationship. He told him how Ian would always tell him not to eat certain foods, how he should wear his clothes during parties, how he made him stopped smoking and how he was always with him but at the same time, always preoccupied with work – for example, times they were in bed during the night but one call from his boss, Ian would go running to the site to see if things were alright.

He told him how their life plans revolved around each other. And how all the planning and dreaming eventually took a toll on him.

 He told him how Ian was all over him and that he hadn’t been given the opportunity to decide and plan for himself.

“Well, fuck, dude.” Francis breathed after a moment. “That’s a tough situation.”

“Don’t I know it,” Mickey mumbled as he drank his coffee.

“Are you over it?” The question took Mickey off guard.

“Eventually.” He answered because even with everything he said, everything he did, something inside of him still craved for the feeling of Ian.

“Does it still hurt?”

“Like a bitch,” He tried to joke.

Francis smiled which caused Mickey to look at him with a raised eyebrow, “That’s good. It means you’re human. Was starting to get worried there for a moment. Thought I was working with an emotionless but somehow always grumpy alien.”

“Fuck off.”

 Both laughed and Mickey thought, that yeah, things were going well.

==

It was the opposite for Ian.  It was almost a month into the break up that Ian started getting more and more drunk. He had stopped taking his meds for a week, hoping that if he went manic, Mickey would talk to him again and take him back.

But when Mandy found out about it, she called the only people she knew could help him besides Mickey. His family.

Lip arrived at his apartment with Fiona in tow.

They talked to him, Lip threatening to kill Mickey and Fiona trying to convince Ian to take his meds or go see a doctor to know if he needed a new prescription.

It wasn't until he arrived to the site late for the 4th time that week, with his boss and client raging with anger at how slow the construction was, that Ian decided he needed to set things straight.

He poured everything he had in his work, trying to distract himself from the memory of Mickey. He started going to the gym more, if he wasn't in the office he was there, running on the treadmill at speeds enough to set his heart racing. It was as if he was running away from his problems.

He was high. Too high.

==

"Are you coming for dinner?" Alex asked Ian over the phone as he drove in his car.

"Sorry, I can't." Ian answered, not really wanting to go to restaurant in fear of seeing Mickey again. It was two months into the break up and they avoided each other like the plague. Even during their weekly dinner, in which their friend's did not like.  "I have things to do on site."

It was becoming Ian's excuse every time. The ties that bind them together made it harder for him to move on. Their family and friends were constant reminders of their happier days.

"He's not coming." He heard Alex say to the others. The line went silent for a moment before he heard another familiar voice.

"Ian, you broke up with Mickey, not us." It was Mandy. The mention of his name was hard for Ian and he could hear the sympathy in Mandy's voice that was laced with annoyance. He hadn't had dinner with them for a month now. "We miss you."

"I miss you too," He replied after a pause. And then he smiled even though she couldn't see him. He hoped if he faked being okay, Mandy would believe him.  "I need to go, tell everyone I'll try next week."

Mandy rolled her eyes and sighed, that was what he said last week.

They said their goodbyes and she turned to the others, "He's not coming."

"Of course not." Nina groaned and rolled her eyes.

==

A week into his new job, Mickey found himself enjoying himself. If he was to be honest, he thought he didn't want to be an architect anymore, but apparently he just needed the space he longed for to help with his passion.  

"I've been thinking." Mickey said to Francis during their break. A cigarette between his lips.

"That can't be good." Francis joked as he inhaled smoke from his own cigarette.

Mickey glared at him but the smile on his face didn't falter. In the short time Mickey had known Francis, they've gotten along better than Mickey had with anyone besides the friend's he and Ian had. It was surprising that he was open with him, surprising that he got along with the rest of his workmates -- the ones in his previous jobs were snobs and didn't bother talking to Mickey unless they needed to or when he and Ian were together. They only tolerated him because of Ian.

His friendship with Francis was odd, the man was bright and always smiling -- a glint in his dark eyes reminded him of Ian for some reason. He was nice, grew up in a nice family with a good education but he still could act like he was Southside. 

Overall, he was a pretty decent guy, except for his constant conquest of women. Usually Mickey would ignore him when he talked about his latest success because he really didn't need to know any of it, but that didn't stop Francis from chatting on and on about them.

"Laugh it up, asswipe." Mickey snarled, taking another hit from his smoke. "I'm thinking of getting my MA."

The look of surprise on Francis' face made Mickey think that he thought it was a terrible idea and quickly shook his head.

"Know what, never mind. Stupid idea."

"No!" Francis nearly shouted. He finished his cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stepping on the bud. "I think it's a good idea. But what made you want to go back to school?"

Mickey sighed and disposed of his own cigarette bud, "Better opportunities?" He offered, but Francis didn't seem to buy it.

"Or you want a distraction from something -- or someone."

"Fuck off."

Francis didn't laugh or smile, his face was dead serious -- expectant. "If that's what you want, do it, but if you're doing it because you think it'll help you with getting over you ex."

"It's not."

Francis sighed, "If you want a distraction, there's this new client that's building a condominium or some shit, and the boss  assigned me on the data. Do you want in?"

Mickey thought about it for a moment, he did want his MA but the he didn't have the time and money for it, and maybe Francis was right, he was just trying to distract himself from the thought of Ian. Maybe he just needed longer work hours. Fuck, he never thought he would ever think that.

"Fuck it, yeah." Mickey smiled, "Sure."

==

Overall, it had been three months after Mickey broke up with Ian.

It had been three months after the break up did they see each other again.

It was Friday night and Mickey had promised Mandy he would attend dinner with the others, Mandy had mentioned Ian was working late on a new project, she had basically begged him to come -- Milkovich's don't beg -- so that was what made Mickey do his work for the night double time.

However, fate was not on his side because his car refused to start.

He quickly texted Mandy saying that he would be late, not wanting her to bite his head off for thinking he bailed.

Mickey exited the basement parking and decided to take a cab instead.

As he waited for a taxi -- lighting a cigarette because he needed the heat to counter the chilly night air --  Francis' car stopped in front of him. The windows rolled down and the smile on his face was blinding. The urge to smack the idiot for smiling at Mickey's misfortune was strong.

"Need a ride?"

"Fuck off, idiot." He rolled his eyes and exhaled the smoke from his lungs. "Can get a ride by myself."

Francis continued smiling, used to Mickey's harsh words. He found them oddly endearing.

"Come on, I'll drive you home." He offered. "No charge."

Mickey shook his head, "I'm heading somewhere first."

"Mickey, just get in the car or you'll be late to whatever place you're going to."

He contemplated it for a moment, before sighing and putting out is smoke and getting into the car with Francis. How could he refuse a free ride?

==

"Mick, where the fuck are you?" Mandy asked over the phone as she waited outside The Galaktika for her brother. "Toni's fucking starving."

"I'm almost there, bitch." Mickey grumbled, rolling his eyes as Francis laughed from the driver's seat.

"Wait, whose laughing? Are you with someone?" She questioned, talking fast with curiosity. "Who are you with?!"

"Oh for fucks sake." Mickey grumbled, annoyed. "Keep you panties on. I'm here."

Mandy turned to see a white auto parking in front of the restaurant.

"The white car? Is that you? Jesus, Mick."

Mickey ended the call before he got more frustrated with his sister's eagerness, which to his dismay,  Francis seemed to be too fucking delighted at his annoyance.

He got out of the car to greet his sister with a hug before pushing her shoulders, "You couldn't keep cool for five fucking minutes?"

"You're late!" She punched him before her eyes travelled to Francis, who was now standing beside Mickey. "Hello." She smiled at him, before looking back at Mickey with questioning eyes. "Who are you?"

"Hey, I'm Francis," He extended a hand and Mandy shook it, her eyes examining him from head to toe.

"Mandy, fuckface's sister." She said with a smile. "Are you joining us for dinner?"

If looks could kill, she would have been dead with the glare Mickey gave him. A glare that Francis could see from his peripheral vision.

"No, I'm good --"

"I insist!" She said, ignoring his and Mickey's protest and taking him by the hand and pulling him inside.

"I'm sorry, man."  He apologized, walking into the empty restaurant. "My sister can be --"

"Persistent?"  He offered with a smile before waving it off. "No problem, and besides how can I say no to free food, right?"

Mickey laughed and walked to the table, where his friends were waiting for him.

"Took you long enough!" Toni commented as he saw Mickey but his eyes moved to the man next to him.

Everyone was silent as they looked at each other around the table and Mickey could feel that this was a bad idea.

"Hi, I'm Francis." He introduced himself and Mickey watched as his friends regained motion and introduced themselves one by one with a smile.

After sitting down, Francis next to him, he could feel everyone's eyes on him and before he could tell them to fuck off, he heard another engine at the parking lot outside.

It was Ethan who state what he was hoping not to hear.

"It's Ian."

_Well fuck._

"Mick, I'm sorry." Mandy's voice was a whisper. "I didn't know."

Toni got up and greeted his friend before Nina trapped him a tight hug. Ever since the break up, they didn't get to see Ian and Mickey that often, besides from Toni -- who worked with Ian at the firm -- they ever only got to see him during their weekly dinner but that decreased as Ian buried himself in his work.

"Hey guys!" Mickey could hear the smile in his voice. He didn't look up from his place but he could feel Ian near him. "Sorry I'm late."

Ian looked around the table before his eyes saw the back of Mickey's head.

"Mick..." He trailed off. Suddenly, the hope of Mickey wanting him back returned. Maybe he showed to fix things with Ian. Maybe he wanted him back. But the flicker of hope was quenched when he saw the man beside him. A man who was sitting in his place.

"Ian." Mickey greeted, looking at him.

The question on Ian's face was answered when Francis stood up and introduced himself to him.

"Name's Francis." He smiled and Ian wanted to punch it right off.

The events that followed were not ideal.

Ian ended up sitting furthest from Mickey. He watched silently with a deflated look as Mickey interacted with the others. Francis told them how a pain in the ass it was to work with Mickey at the firm, but by the way he laughed and the adoring spark in his eyes said otherwise. And Ian hated him for it.

How dare he tell stories about the love of his life with that look of admiration on his face?

"What the fuck!" Ian burst out, catching everyone off guard. Alex was gushing at how Mickey must love his new job at the new firm when Ian had enough.

"Ian." Mark warned. He didn't want any more of his business ruined by another fight but also didn't want to witness his friends fighting.

"I thought you didn't want to be an architect anymore?" He asked, ignoring Mark and Nina's hand on his arm. "Isn't that why you left?"

Mickey stared at the look on Ian's eyes. Annoyance and despair mixed together.

"Things change." He replied, looking him in the eyes. "People change."

And that was enough for Ian to stand up and make his way to Mickey.

"And what?" He asked, anger in his voice. "You replace me with some --"

"Hey man. Calm down." Francis stood up, he was just as tall as Ian but with more muscle. "I'm not here for trouble."

"I wasn't talking to you, asshole!" Ian puffed out his chest. Toni and Ethan were beside Ian in a second, waiting to stop if any trouble started. "Answer me, Mick!"

Mickey stood and got in between Francis and Ian, his eyes glaring at Ian. "I don't owe you anything, Ian."

“I deserve an explanation. I deserve an acceptable reason.” He shouted and Mickey could see that he was on brink of tears. "Why, Mick? Why?"

Mickey hid the tremble he felt as the words left Ian's mouth, because truth was, he couldn't answer him.

He needed space and time away from everything but he knew it wasn't good enough for Ian.

"I'm sorry, Ian." It was the only thing he could muster up to say.

"Fuck you, Mickey." Ian's voice was low, almost a growl but it sounded too broken to be threatening.

He looked at Mickey for a moment, then to Francis and to the others. They watched him with fear in their eyes and it made his inside grit. He didn't want his friends to see him like this.

He took a step back before looking at Mickey one last time, hoping he would say something to him but Mickey just looked at him, it was enough for Ian, so he turned around and headed for the door.

He was done. He was done with everything -- he was done with Mickey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be posted yesterday but I got lazy proof reading it.  
> I'm on tumblr: http://shadowsandsecrecy.tumblr.com/


	3. Hold Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is posted so late because college is killing me. So many projects and shit to handle. However, because of the three day suspension due to three storms that hit our country in a row, I finally managed to find the time to write this.

_"Ian, what the fuck you doing, man?" Mickey asked as Ian stormed in his dorm, the redhead's face the same color as his hair because of anger._

_"I'm done, Mick." He answered, picking up everything in his sight that he knew was his. "We're done!"_

_He kept repeating the words over and over, fuming. Mickey tried to remember what he did wrong but when Ian picked up the present he gave him for their first anniversary, the thought was pushed aside._

_"Hey! That's mine!" Mickey stepped in between the framed drawing of them together that Ian made. It was a replica of one of the hundred of photos of them together. "You gave this to me!"_

_"Fine!" He snarled and continued to pick up things. Clothes, books, a pack of smokes._

_"Hey, Ian. Stop that, man." Mickey tried but Ian just continued his momentum, ignoring his idiot boyfriend. "I love you."_

_"I love you too."_

_The grin on Mickey's face was cheeky because he knew he got him._

_"Heard that."_

_Ian stopped in his tracks because the words were almost a reflex for him to say when it came to Mickey. He was hopelessly trapped and he wouldn't have it any other way. He loved Mickey._

_He turned and watched Mickey make his way to him, standing on his toes and cupping the back of his neck before crashing their lips together. Ian dropped everything in his hold and wrapped his arms around Mickey's middle, deepening the kiss._

_"You're an idiot." Ian stated the fact._

_"You love me. I'm sorry." Mickey smiled, one hand tangled in Ian's red hair, the other tight on his neck. He never wanted to let Ian go._

 

==

 

Ian met Louis at the gym.

He'd seen the man there before but never paid attention to him, but he knew Louis paid attention to him. Sometimes, he saw him watching at him while he benched pressed. He never minded him before, but that changed after the night he had fought with Mickey.

Ian threw every ounce of emotion -- pain, anger, hatred, sadness into the punching bag in front of him.

If you were to ask him before who he was imagining while continuously hitting the cylindrical bag in front of him, he would have never answered what he was thinking of right now. Three months ago, Ian would have never pictured Mickey while he furiously punching the bag, even through their worse arguments. He loved Mickey. _Loved_.

Past tense.

Because now, all he could see was Mickey with that stupid dyed black haired guy. It was obviously fake, unlike Mickey's.  The memory of him running his fingers through Mickey's hair and the thought of that asshole doing the same made Ian punch more frantically.

The music blaring through Ian's earphones was deafening but he didn't care. All he cared about was forgetting Mickey and what's his name.

After almost an hour of driving his anger into the punching bag, Ian was tired.

He pulled the earplugs from his ears and walked towards one of the benches were his bottle of water and gym bag was located.

"Anger management issues?" Someone said, causing Ian to turn and see a tall -- taller than Ian by a couple of inches, dirty blonde with golden eyes. That had to be contacts, right? No one in real life had golden eyes. Right? 

Ian ignored him and continued by grabbing his water and taking a big gulp, titling his head back. He didn't ignore how the guys eyes roamed his body and watched how his Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed.

"What's your name?" The guy asked, his black sleeveless compression shirt did well for his pecks. Not that Ian was looking.

"Ian." He answered, not looking back at the man, but he could still see the easy smile on his lips.

"I suggest Martial Arts when it comes to anger management problems." He said, referring to his earlier comment.  "Helped me a lot growing up."

Something in Ian said to ignore the man and just walk away but then the thought of Mickey with the prick he brought to dinner made him answer, "Red belt holder."

The guy smiled widened. "Only a step away from black."

"Stopped during high school." Ian replied, facing him fully now.

"Why?" The man asked and when Ian looked at him with a raised eyebrow and the blinking expression on his face, the guy shrugged with a laugh. "Never mind. Sorry I asked. Name's Louis."

Ian eyed him, looking him up and down. He was fit, muscles that were very nice to look at and probably touch, Ian thought.

He must have gazed too long because a second later, the guy let out a short laugh.

"Wanna grab a drink sometime?" The guy -- Louis asked.

The first reply that popped into Ian's head was a _no,_ but he thought about it for a moment. He didn't usually like blondes, but this one was attractive. More than attractive.

The idea of going out with someone besides Mickey had been a foreign thought to Ian for years, except now, Mickey was with someone else. Someone who wasn't Ian.

And yeah. Okay. Maybe Ian wanted to forget Mickey. And maybe this guy would help. And if not, maybe at least this guy would be a could fuck.

Either way, Ian smiled and nodded, "Sure."

==

In the three months after Ian had started dating Louis, he slowly learned the traits he had. Louis was dependable, generous and lonely. He was also the only son of a very rich businessman. He had a degree in economics and enjoyed kickboxing.

But one thing stuck out. Louis was kind. He was a kind person.  

He gave bighearted tips to the waiters or any other staff when they went out during dates. He held doors for people, even if he was just passing by a building. He was always smiling that bright smile, that Ian was sure he would love someday.

Louis also had the perfect life. Grew up with money, an accepting family and a company he would inherit someday.

He loved his job. He worked with passion. He worked hard, even though he was the child of the owner of the company. He strived not to live in his father's shadow.

Also, sex wasn't that bad.

In short. Louis was the anti- Mickey.

He wasn't anything like Mickey.

And that was the problem.

With everything taken into consideration, Louis had everything that would be the perfect reason for Ian to forget Mickey.

But it was useless. After three months of being with possibly the most perfect man Ian would ever meet, he was still hopelessly in love with Mickey Milkovich.

 ==

Mickey stretched his neck before cracking his fingers together as he finished the final revision of the plans he was working on.

The client said that he wanted the insides of his building to be the complete opposite from the outside.

_"It'd give the customers a surprise factor."_

Or whatever the fuck he said.

Mickey wanted to punch the guy but he was a client who ran into new money. And wanted to spend half of it on renovating his childhood house into a restaurant.

Mickey didn't specialized in restoration but with the help of Francis, the job was easy enough.

"Hey, Mick." Mickey turned to see Francis holding two cups of coffee. "Need a break?"

"Fuck yeah." He grumbled before taking the cup from Francis' hand and taking a sip. "I fucking love coffee, man. It keeps me alive."

"Same goes for half the population of the world." Francis smiled, before taking a sit next to his friend.

It was almost midnight and the office was mostly empty. The only ones on the floor remaining was the two of them and three others.

"Talked to the head engineer earlier and he said that if the client approves of the final revision, we should be finished with the project by next year." Mickey said, still holding to the cup of caffeine as if it was his source of life.

"Fun-fucking-tastic." Francis said.

There was a silence that lingered for a moment.

They never spoke about the incident that happened with Ian even though Mickey had apologized over and over.

He never brought Francis back to the restaurant again, afraid that Ian would start another fight.

But it didn't matter anyway.

He hadn't seen Ian since.

And according to Mandy and the others, Ian hadn't called them since.

He was worried about him, but he pushed it away.

Ian was a grown man. He could handle himself. But still. The thought of Ian entering another manic phase caused Mickey not to sleep as soundly as he would like at night.

==

The call came at midnight.

Mickey was driving home when his phone started ringing, he was going to ignore it but then saw the caller I.D.

_Ian._

Mickey knew better not to answer but there was something urging him to.

He slowed down his speed and slid his phone.

"Hello?"

Mickey frowned, that wasn't Ian's voice but it still held the panic that Mickey was starting to feel himself.

"Hello?" The voice said again, "Is this Mickey? I need your help. It's about Ian."

That was all Mickey needed.

"Where is he?" He asked in a sturdy voice.

"We're at his apartment." The voice replied, shaky. "It's at --"

"I know where it is." Mickey interrupted. Making a U-turn at the next exit, knowing by heart the road that led him to Ian's apartment. To Ian. "I'm on my way. Just tell me what's wrong?"

"He hasn't gotten out of bed this morning and he won't talk to me! I don't know what's wrong."

Mickey did.

Without saying a word, he hung up on the guy and started driving faster. Ignoring every road sign on his way. They didn't matter. What mattered now was Ian.

==

Mickey arrived at Ian's apartment after ten minutes.

He wasn't expecting to see a frantic and hysterical man in Ian's apartment.

He frowned at the sight of him,  wearing what looks like, Ian's jeans.

Who was this fucker?

But he pushed the thought away for later. He needed to see Ian.

He headed for the bed room, still knowing the way like yesterday.

He entered the room and saw what he was expecting to see.

Ian's body on the bed, covered by blankets. His red hair barely visible, but there was no denying it. Mickey knew what was happening.

His heart sunk for a moment but this wasn't the time to think about himself.

Ian needed him.

He walked over to the side of the bed Ian was curled on, he sat on the edge of the bed before reaching out to touch him.

"Hey." He said in a low voice as he ran a hand over the covers, feeling Ian's breathing under it. "It's me."

Ian replied with a groan and nothing more.

"Hey, Ian. It's me." He tried again, this time in a softer voice. "Come on, man. You 'lright?"

Nothing. Ian seemed like a lifeless lump.

Mickey took a deep breath before standing up and walking to the man that stood by the door frame.

The second it took to reach him was enough time for Mickey to notice the different items inside the room. Items he was sure wasn't Ian's.

"Who are you?" Mickey asked with a dour tone. His face cold.

"I'm Louis." The man said, and now, Mickey saw that his eyes were red and puffy. He looked like he had been crying. "I didn't know who else to call and you were number one in his emergency contacts. Thought maybe you were a doctor or something."

Mickey dismissed the comment with a somber shrugged.

"He been taking his medication?" Mickey asked.

"Y-yeah." Louis swallowed. "I don't know what happened. He'd been okay yesterday. Was really fucking excited about things before."

Mickey shook his head, "That happens with bipolar. It's not surprising. Just take him to his doctor. I'll give you his number."

Mickey started walking to the living room and picking up a pen and paper before scribbling a set of numbers and a name on it. He handed it to the man and is suddenly hit with a thought.

"While he's like this, hide every sharp object."

"Why?" Louis asked, alarmed. "Do you think he'll try something?"

"It's a possibility." He answered, his voice taut.

He looked around the room, noticing more things that didn't belong to Ian. Or at least things that he wasn't familiar with.

"He ever mention me before?" The curiosity in Mickey was over pouring. And he hated himself for it.

The guy -- Louis looked surprised by the question. "Y-yeah. Once or twice I think. You worked together, right?"

It was Mickey's turn to look startled. Ian didn't mention him? He shouldn't be surprised or hurt by the revelation but he was. And it sucked.

"Yes." He replied, his face hard and stern. "Look, if you need me just call me or maybe his siblings. I need to go."

 "Sure. Yeah. Of course." Louis' voice was still shaky but the tone of interest was there. He was probably curious who Mickey was. It didn't matter though.

Mickey was supposed to be out of Ian's life.

But how could he leave when Ian was like this?

Ian needed him.

He couldn't just stay away. Even if he wanted. He didn't.

==

Mickey visited again early in the morning the next day.

He texted Lip the night before, saying that Ian's meds must have fucked up again.

Lip offered to come and visit, but Mickey said he got it.

_'You still love him, don't you?'_

He could hear the smile and compassion in Lip's voice.

He hung up without an answer.

He knocked on the door, the frown on his face plastered there.

It hardened when he saw the guy from last night in a change of clothes. He looked like he was going to a business meeting in his starched suit and jacket.

"You're back." The relieved smile on his face was another indication that Mickey wasn't going to like him. He was already half way to hating him. "I need to get to work. I was hoping you'd be back."

He ran his mouth and walked back inside the apartment, leaving Mickey alone by the door. He stepped inside and watched as the man in an Armani suit walk around Ian's apartment. Fixing and arranging things as if he did it every day.

"--he still hasn't said anything except for a few grunts and moans and I think I heard him say 'fuck' before I went to bed last night."

That was it. That was what made Mickey officially hate this guy.

He remembered not sleeping at night during Ian's manic attacks. He remembered staying up all night watching Ian. Waiting for something. He remembered coffee running in his system just to see if Ian was alright. He couldn't even imagining sleeping while Ian was like this.

Who the fuck was this guy?

"Who are you?" Mickey's tone was harsh and made the guy stop on his tracks.

"Excuse me?" Louis looked at him, "I told you last night --"

"I meant to Ian." Mickey clarified. "Who are you to Ian?"

Mickey felt he already knew the answer but he still needed to hear it with his ears.

"I'm his boyfriend."

"You've been together long?"

"A few months."

"Hey I need to go or I'll be late." Louis said, checking his watch before grabbing his bag and heading for the door. "I don't know what time I'll be home."

Before Mickey could say anything, Louis was out the door.

"Fucker." He breathed out. Did the fucker just leave Ian alone?

What the fuck?

He shook his head, making a fist and taking a deep breath.

His main focus today was Ian.

No one else.

==

Mickey opened the door to the bed room and saw Ian there. Still under the covers.

"Hey, man. I'm back" He said. He got nothing. He nodded and continued. "Louis left, he said he has work. Hey, do you want me to call in sick for you today?"

==

Ian doesn't speak but it doesn't mean he can't hear.

Or feel.

He heard everything Mickey has been saying. Louis left him. He was probably going to break up with him afterwards. Who wouldn't? Who would want someone like him, anyway? Who would want someone broken? Mickey did. The thought was maddening and endearing at the same time. After everything Mickey was still here for him.

He closed his eyes again, his whole body shaking and before he knew it, he was crying again.

How can someone be numb and feel everything at the same time?

People were worried about him.

His family, friends and Mickey. He wasn't sure how to classify Mickey. They weren't together anymore, but here he was.

Louis, his boyfriend had left him to go to work, and yet, Mickey was here. Probably missing work himself.

The consideration made Ian feel more guilty for being more of a burden.  

He was fucking useless.

==

Mickey made Ian's favorite chicken soup for lunch.

He had kept the curtains in room closed because he knew that was what Ian liked during times like this. He knew what Ian needed during this time. After years of being together, Mickey knew what to expect.  But he didn't know what Ian truly needed. He needed Mickey.

He needed Mickey to be his again.

But why would he want to?

He had Francis.

Francis whose brain wasn't fucking broken.

==

Mickey called Ian's doctor an hour after lunch.

He explained what's happening and the doctor suggested mixing up Ian's meds once more. Playing trial and error again.

It was a routine Mickey and Ian were too familiar with.

The next day, Ian was in his psychiatrist clinic with Mickey. Louis once again absent but kept texting Mickey every five minutes and calling every hour.

Ian tried to understand that Louis was busy with his job but it didn't work. It still bothered him.  He never expected Louis to stay forever, but he at least thought he'd be _there_.

Ian's family visited him three days after his doctor gave him a new cocktail of medicine. He hates them. Makes him nauseous and off balance.  He felt destroyed because of them.

He doesn't speak when his family talks to him but he nods and tries --he fails-- to smile.

Mickey doesn't leave him.

Mickey stayed for days. Skipping work to take care of his ex-boyfriend. He shouldn't but he does.

Ian could sometimes hear Mickey and Louis talking. Louis thanking him like he was a god.

It's been more than a week and Mickey is still there. Louis, however was starting to come and go.

There would be night Louis tried talking to him but Ian could sense how his lack of replies had an effect on him.  Louis was going to leave him sooner or later. He knew it.

But at least he had Mickey.

==

Mickey knew how to handle Ian when he was like this. He gave him space but still watched over closely. He knew how Ian would snarl and snap at him if he got too overpowering when it came to his manic phases.

There were times that Ian wanted to crawl out of his skin and find another. 

He was fucking exhausted.

His siblings tried to be his caretakers for a while, but Ian didn't respond to them. He snapped and said hurtful things to them. Mickey was the only one who managed to calm him down. As expected.

He needed Mickey.

It was pretty clear that Mickey was the only reason he was still sane. Or at least as sane as his fucked up mind could be.

==

The second dosage of medicine was much better. Ian's body responded well. His doctor was buoyant that they had established his newest drug treatment. However, the exhaustion, both physically and mentally had taken a toll on Ian now. His body was still adjusting to his new regimen but it was better than being a useless lump of life.

His family still visited often, even after he started going to work two weeks after.

==

It's been a month since Ian's body adjusted to his new meds. He'd been back to work and everything was alright again. He hadn't been to the gym but he didn't see the reason to.

He hadn't seen or talked to Louis for more than a month now.

It was probably over between them, and he should feel something but he doesn't. He wasn't sure if it was because of his meds or not.

Mickey still stayed with him. He's practically living with him. Like before.

"Why are you here?" Ian asked from his position on the couch, scrolling through television channels. Mickey looked up from his phone, a bag of takeout in hand.

"Huh? I brought dinner." He answered with a _'duh'_ tone in his voice.

"That's not what I meant." He closed his eyes and exhaled before walking towards him. "Why are you still here? We're not together anymore. You don't owe me anything."

"Ian --"

"No! Why, Mick? Why are you still here? What's in it for you?"

Mickey watched his eyes, searching for a single sign what Ian wanted to hear. He was lost. So, he opted for the truth.

"I still love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are loved!   
> Let's be friends!  
> I'm on tumblr: http://shadowsandsecrecy.tumblr.com/

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. This is my first ever multi-fic for gallavich and I know the first chapter was pretty heavy. Hope you stick around to see what happens next. Feed back is appreciated and loved. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr: http://shadowsandsecrecy.tumblr.com/


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